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托福独立写作例证法讲解【实例解析】

2018-05-17 11:53:44来源:新东方

  东民老师课上经常跟大家强调“例证法是托福独立写作最常用的段落展开方式。”例证法的优势在于能以细节展开的方式论证观点,同时一个例子往往字数相当可观,能有效避免干说理字数少的问题。

  来源:太原新东方留学考试中心 石东民

  那么什么样的例子才是考官眼中的好例子呢?

  第一、有细节,情节完整

  主题句

  诚实能让我们交到更多的朋友

  举个例子

  小明很诚实

  小明交到了很多的朋友。

  以上这个例子就是个“假例子”,既没有细节也没有情节。情节就是事情的起因+经过+结果,细节就是把情节具体化。考官在例子中希望看到的是,小明在什么事情中很诚实了,他是怎么诚实的,然后他的诚实怎么就吸引来很多朋友了?当然,我们也不需要把例子的情节写的跌宕起伏,但至少,例子得是个完整的“事儿”。

  第二、例子要充分证明主题句观点

  我们要熟记,例子一定是给主题句举的,写例子的时候一定要再看一眼这段的主题句是什么。

  我们来看今年3月24号的真题:

  Do you agree or disagree: People should relax with the ways related to their hobbies and physical activities which are different with their work.

  首先来破题,这是一道经典的价值判断题,而且是一道题目自带分类的“幸运题”,写同意更加好写。两个中间段分别写hobby和physical activities带来的好处即可。

  来看A同学写的第二个中间段:

  Secondly, by being exposed to a hobby which has nothing to do with work, people can fully relax themselves . There is no doubt that after a whole week’s work, only by doing something we are interested in can we refresh our mind and relieve pressure. For example, my friend Alice is a tennis player . She had to train every day to win competitions. Of course, she was always tired when I saw her and then she was fond of listening to music. Therefore, she gets a more efficient sleep than other trainers. Now she grew closer to her dream.(和主题句的观点无关) For this reason, I think a different hobby can relax one person more efficiently.

  评语:

  不少语言基础很棒的同学,前面的主题句、说理解释,句式和用词上都能做到准确多样,然而,一旦到了举例子这里,就会限于情节的设计而在语言上打折扣。比如A同学例子的引入部分,即蓝色语句,每句话都是简单句,句间逻辑不够紧密,就会显得拖沓。例子的引入一句话交代即可。

  接下来,最关键的问题在于,引出了“听音乐”的这个爱好后,中间环节缺失,直接就到了结果上。要想证明主题句“爱好能减压”,那一定要在例子中具体展开,Alice听的是什么类型的音乐,这个爱好是怎么帮助她减压的?比如因为这个爱好,她做了哪些事参加了什么活动?这部分说细致了,例子才有说服力。

  最后还有一个小问题,就是写着写着,就忘记了主题句的观点。划线部分和主题句无关,属于无效细节。例子最终的结果也要呼应主题句,点到Alice最终因为这个爱好消除了压力,感到轻松愉快。

  修改后:

  Take my friend Alice, a professional tennis player in Beijing, for example. (例子的背景交代)Due to the high-intensity training and fierce competition, seldom could she put herself in a better frame of mind. Fortunately, everything has changed since she took up listening to music as her hobby. (中间环节) According to her, A piece of melody served as a remedy for fatigue so that she could fully escape from the daily routine and forget the pressure in the match. What is more, she even joined a classical music club where she interacted with a bunch of like-minded peers. By sharing favorite songs and music anecdotes once a week, they became acquainted with each other and even hung out together frequently . (例子的最终结果) It was no wonder that Alice found a source of relaxation in her life and benefited a lot from her outside interest.

  以上就是为大家整理的“托福独立写作例证法讲解”,更多精彩内容请关注新东方在线托福频道!

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