托福写作29分作文对比解析

　　两个学生，平日里的作文都是25-28分的实力，但是考试的结果相差却很大。其中一个考出托福写作29分的高分。新东方在线托福网为大家带来托福写作29分作文对比解析，希望对大家托福备考有所帮助。更多精彩尽请关注新东方在线托福网!

　　解读：

　　两个学生，平日里的作文都是25-28分的实力，但是考试的结果相差却很大。现在，我把两位学生还原的作文进行对比分析，供大家学习参考。

　　托福写作29分作文解析

　　A/D: children today tend to rely oncomputers and smart phones. However, some people think it is more beneficialfor children’s development to play outside or with simple toys.

　　It is hard to deny that the development of science andtechnology assists people in marching into a new era. However, every sword hastwo edges, meaning that the advanced technology also has some bad influence onpeople, especially on children. Hence, some parents argue that it is morebeneficial to play in the traditional ways. On the contrary, mounting youngadults begin to conceive the computers and smart phones to be better becausethey can help broaden their children’s horizon. While people’s notions vary,personally I believe the computers and smart phones are better.

　　First, it is undoubted that to master the computers andsmart phones is essential to white collar workers today, and playing with suchdevices since childhood will help children get familiar with them.To be specific, the earlier one get to them, the more familiar and morecompetitive one will be. I conceive myself to be a good example. When I was achildhood, my father allowed me to play on the computer. Thus, at that time, Ihad possessed all the fundamental skills to operate such electronic devices,which most of my peers, who just played outside or played with the simple toys,did not know at all.Consequently, I was almost the first among my peers to be admitted due to myexperience on operating computers. Thus, from my own experience can I concludethat playing with such devices are more beneficial. (story写法，故事的确说明了早接触电脑，早有收获。其实，例子很简单，语言也不会特别复杂，但清晰明确。)

　　Second, there are numerous essays shared on thecomputers and smart phones, which will help children learn more. It ishard to deny that when an event happen, countlessessays arise on the website like Twitter and Facebook. For instance, when thegravitational waves was detected several weeks ago, my nephew George, aneight-year-old boy, saw relevant essays todescribe and explain what happened on the Facebook. Most of them were launchedby prestigious universities like Princeton University, MIT, and StanfordUniversity, making them not only fascinating but also authoritative. By viewing such essays,George learned more than his peers who just play outside. Furthermore, it helped George to find what he wouldlike to devote to in the future, providing him more time than those who just play withsimple toys or play outside to prepare for it. From this example, it is hard todeny that playing with computers are more beneficial for the development ofchildren. (分论点说有很多论文在电脑和手机中，提供了资源，发展了学生。后面的例子过程，我红色标出了他具体拓展的细节，很难吗?逻辑很复杂吗?并不是的。)

　　Third, most of the times the essays on the computers andsmart phones put forward contradicting ideas, which will help children cultivatethe habit of thinking critically. To illustrate, children will have to search for more resources and thinkindependently to find out the most reasonable explanations, during which timethey will exercise their mind into tight muscles. According to a recent research done bythe Department of Sociology at Peking University, among300 thinkers who are regarded as the greatest, 73.4% are reported to play onthe computer or with smart phones when they were children, and further studyshows the seeming contradicting essays on the computers help them to think fromdifferent standpoints, and thus enriched their spirit. Therefore, indisputably,playing with such devices are more positive for the development of childrenthan the traditional ways of playing. (分论点是独立思考的能力，后面的文章展开对独立思考进行了大量的论证，难度不大，用的数据法是个亮点。)

　　In the final analysis, although some people argue that playing outside and playing with simple toys are better forchildren since they will not make them addicted to the internet or modernelectronic devices,this statement is lackluster when compared with my contention, because themore familiar people get with one thing, the harder it is for him to getaddicted.Therefore, I still advocate the idea that it is better for children to playwith computers and smart phones. (当你认为到了最后一段就是枯燥的总结的时候，那你就错了，还有价值呢，看看画波浪线的地方，那就是我常说的让步+反驳)

　　点评：

　　这就告诉我们，总分总的段落结构或许大家都会写，或许大家都知道要写3个中间段，但是你能把自己的段落分论点在段中阐明的如此清晰和具体吗?记住!这才是真正需要下功夫做的事情。