托福写作常见的错误分析

　　首先丰富并不意味着用很复杂的词，复杂的句式， 什么TOEFL, GRE词汇，各种倒装， 并不是，语言是为内容服务的，是为了表达内容的，

　　我们看下面这个段落，来自OG5分范文的一个中间段

　　In any relationship of mine, I would wish that first of all, the person I’m dealing with is honest. Even though s/he thinks that s/he did something wrong that I would- n’t like, s/he’d better tell me the truth and not lie about it. Later on if I find out about a lie or hear the truth from someone else, that’d be much more unpleasant. In that case how can I ever believe or trust that person again? How can I ever believe that this person has enough confidence in me to forgive him/her and carry on with the relationship from there. So if I cannot trust a person anymore, if the person doesn’t think I can handle the truth, there’s no point to continuing that relationship.

　　很多学生读完之后惊呼这段的单词我竟然都认识，句式也好简单啊，怎么可能拿高分，我们来看一下ets的评论，关于语言部分

　　The writer’s language is fluent, accurate, and varied enough to effectively support the progression and connection of ideas. There is a variety of sentence structures, including rhetorical questions. The essay is not mechanically perfect, but as long as such errors are occasional, minor, and do not interfere with the reader’s understanding, an essay like this one can still earn a top score.

　　说的非常清楚，语言是足够流利，准确，多变去有效的支持文章的展开和观点之间的联系，这就是说只要你要表达的内容你的语言够用，能清晰准确的表达即可，切记。

　　评分标准对语言的要求：clearly appropriate

　　针对以上语言问题，

　　解决方案：

　　1.排除错误的认知

　　2.多读native speaker 写的文章，其实阅读，听力，口语，写作文本都是很好的素材，多积累

　　3.基础如果再差，看不懂可以从背开始，比如初级写作的句子。

　　Part2

　　内容篇

　　根据总结学生文章，常见的内容上的问题包括以下几个：

　　a. 不切题

　　Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

　　Teachers should not make their social or political views known to students in the classroom.

　　Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

　　Second, it can make the classroom atmosphere harmonious and funny.

　　In our impression, the traditional class atmosphere is seriously , and the teacher just talk about the knowledge which is only restricted to the lessons, so many students may feel boring with it and get sleepy. You know that the study efficiency is the most important thing in the class, if students feel sleepy, it will lead to their study efficiency reduces. In chinese society, many young students have a terrible problem which isn’t interested in study even hate to listen to teachers. That’s because the lessons are always boring and the study atmosphere is seriously, their sit in the classroom more than 8 hours one day and lose their interest day by day.

　　除了主题句，后面整个段落其实一直在说传统课堂只讲学术知识，很无聊，但始终没有解释主题句，没有解释为什么老师分享自己的社会政治观点会使课堂气氛有趣，也没能举出这样的例子，所以这个段落并没有回答题目老师到底要不要分享这些观点在课堂上，不切题。

　　为了避免这个问题，学生可以利用题型分类先写出A——B的主题句，然后记得展开就是补充中间的逻辑链，比如这道题这个主题句a就是分享，b就是使气氛和谐，那后面的展开就是a,b之间的过程。

　　b.没有主题句

　　the extended family is less important now than it was in the past.

　　disagree

　　First of all, because we are living in a complex society, the relationships between people are more complex than before, there is no compelete equity, if you wanna to do something, you need to get help from many people, for example, when you have some emergencys that you need a lot of money, when you face some problem, family members is always the first choice, they will help you as struggling as they can, so the extended family is more important than it was.

　　主题句应该直接回答总观点，直接给出原因，简洁概括，让读者一看主题句即知道这一段的大意， 但是上面这个段落，总观点是大家庭现在依然重要，那主题句应该直接一句话告诉我们大家庭带来的好处，但是这个段落前面啰啰嗦嗦半天说社会复杂，人际关系复杂，但是和大家庭是否重要有什么关系，就这个段落而言，好的主题句可以是 familiy members can offer help这样的形式.

　　c.解释跑偏

　　还是上面那个题目

　　Last but not least, teachers point out their social or political views is good for the relation between students and teachers. many people think, as a teacher, we should have some qualities such as patience or intelligence, especially seriousness, but i don’t think so.

　　解释的目的是将主题句的抽象概念进行第一层次的具体化，并起到把主题与例子联系起来的桥梁作用，主题句中的要点在于relation，而解释的部分却表达了quality.

第三页继续...