托福写作常见的错误分析

　　d.例子不能有效支持分论点

　　It is better to finish a project completely and then do another project than do two or more projects at the same time.

　　agree

　　First of all, it can make you complete the project more efficient and more quickly… For example, nowadays, more and more college students do other things in the class. Such as looking extracurricular books, preparing other courses and so on. They think listening to the teacher in class is not so important. They are more willing listening to the teacher and looking other books.but most of the time, we have not only a waste of time, but also did not learn it well. As far as I am concerned, we live in the age of distraction. By grouping them all into reasonable time period, you allow yourself to do other work first. So you can do anything well.

　　主题句是说先完全完成一个再做另外一个project可以更高效， 但是举例说很多大学生上课不听课做其他的事情，结果是浪费了时间。这个例子和主题句完全不搭啊，这个例子起码的设定应该是学生同时做几件事情，结果分心，结果效率很低啊。例子就是为了印证主题句和解释句内容的。

　　e.未展开

　　it is easier for parents to raise their children today than 50 years before.

　　What’s more? Well, in order to control the population, the government make the policy that each family can only have one child.But as for the past, it is very common that each family have 2 or 3 and even more children. So you can imagine how hard it is for parents to raise their children in the past.

　　这样一个中间段从字数上来看就严重不够，只能说是somewhat developed, 学生只是告诉我们过去每个家庭孩子更多，但是并没有证明为什么孩子多养起来就更难啊，不然很多人可能会觉得孩子多，可以互相玩耍，互相照顾，养起来更容易啊。

　　Part

　　3

　　组织结构篇

　　a.不断句

　　When u concentrate at one thing, and try your best to make it better , no matter it's a program about your company's future plan or a introduction of your team's new product, the process about all the work is meaningful and unforgettable, and your role in this process no matter a leader or a partner did cost a lot of your time and vigor, according from that, u will learn from others and practice yourself from organization and planation towards the project a lot.

　　这整个段落全部都是逗号，就在最后加了一个句号，这样一个句子，读者读起来感觉会累死，而且本身也不能用逗号连接句子。

　　b.没有逻辑关系词

　　people in the past are more friendly than people at present.

　　In my opinion, with the development of society, the economic situation is getting increasingly better. In the past, all the people did not have much money. when a man needed a large number of money and he asked others to lend him some money. Nobody could help him. they do not have enough money themselves. nowadays the economic gap is becoming more and more deep, when a poor gug in a rainy day, he obviously could ask his friends who richer than him for help. I think it will be more friendly at present in stead of in the past.

　　句与句之间必然有逻辑关系，要加逻辑关系词。逻辑关系词的功能就相当于大家在高桥或高速上开车的路标，它告诉你前面向哪里走，在写作中，它告诉你下一句话 和前一句话是因果，转折也是并列。

　　c. 内容混乱

　　The next twenty years from now on，students will not use printed books any more.

　　To begin with, you can take notes in the book at any time when you reading. Reading book deeply, you will want to write down something in the place where you read. It is convenient to find the sentence and the contents in any time you like. Especially for student, taking notes can help you to a deeper understanding of the content of books. For instance, nowadays in senior high school, if we change the printed books to textbooks, many students will not to take notes. Because they will not concentrate on class and don not have paper to write notes in any time. It will impact on efficiency of student and final exam. On the contrary, if student use printed books, they will not distract on others. It make they write down something in some place where they think is significant. It benefits to their exam. To better take notes by using printed books, it never go out of fashion for the student.

　　这段主题句说纸质书籍方便做笔记，但是中间段展开的时候先说纸质书，然后说电子书，然后又说纸质书，让读者完全跟不上思路，如果清晰的结构，建议先把纸质书方便记笔记写完，然后对比分析电子书不能记笔记分心。

　　d.开头段或结尾段太长太复杂

　　A university should focus more on its facilities,such as libraries,computers or laboratory,rather than on hiring famous teachers.

　　Have you ever studied in the library in the school during the lunch time with you classmates?Have you ever searched the information in the computer lab for finishing the essay or other paper?Have you ever seen that your teacher use the projector to show all students the power point?If you experienced the things mentioned above,you will agree with my opinion that we should focus more in facilities but not on hiring famous teachers.

　　这个排比句和反意疑问句本身是好的，可以当我问到用时时，学生说是想了好久，大概20多分钟，这就实在没必要了，独立写作的核心在中间展开段，开头段的目的在于清晰明确的表明观点即可，所以30分钟的时间应在5分钟之内完成开头段。

　　最后再稍微说下学生写作复习过程中有一些误区:

　　1

　　写作不计时

　　很多学生平时写作文奇慢，一篇作文写好几个小时，开始这样还能说过去，但是必须要慢慢提高速度，如果托福不限时，慢慢写，很多学生都能拿到一个不错的分数，可是托福就是考察大家限时写作的能力。有一个真实的例子，学生平时每篇作文都有27，28的水平，但考试时太慢，没打完，刚拿了个20出头的分数，觉得很亏。

　　2

　　刷题

　　写很多篇，不停的写，但是说实话你写完又不改，到底练了什么能力，打字速度吗?好的作文是不断改出来的，在修改中总结，分析。同样一个真实的例子，一同学第一次考试写作20，一个月后第二次考试写作28，为何他进步较快，很简单，他严格按照要求，30分钟的文章，花2个小时去修改，从语言准确性，内容相关性，最后还会换词换句式，经过这样一个个过程，才可能进步啊。

　　写作考察的是大家 “以写的形式来交流的能力”，要清晰的表达，所以不要为了凑字数而重复，不要为了显得高端而加入一些与文意不相符的所谓高大上的词汇，句式。

　　ps: 例子来源于OG或者真实学生作文片段，所以或多或少都有语法错误，未修改一方面是希望大家意识到语法错误是多么影响文章理解，一方面是保证片段的真实性，大家在读的时候只需要关注列出来的点即可。

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