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手把手教你如何写出托福写作满分作文

2016-03-14 14:50:26来源：新东方 薛鹏

　　〖二段〗第一次支持作家立场

　　However, for most ordinary people, what they like to do and what they have to do are usually two ① parallel thatwon’t have a junction at all. And these people tend to spend more time on something they ② are long to do instead of things they need to do. It’s an understandable choice and hard to conquer it. As a result, people prefer to spend time doing the things they want to do to relax themselves in their leisure time. However, it does not means these enjoyments③ are a waste of time. After a long period of ④hardworking, people need some entertainments to relax themselves. If people ⑤ not have the chance to do the things they are really interested in, they will decrease the efficiency to do the things which theyshould concentrate on. Workers who work consistently are easily to make errors. As a result, people work ⑥5 days and enjoy the weekend to guarantee the efficiency.

　　〖点评〗二段出现用法的错误，语言重复，路标词重复，文字不够凝练。① parallel 应该为复数。② are long to 正确写法是 long to do sth ③are a waste of time 改为might be a waste of time ④ hardworking 形容词应该改为 hard work. ⑤ 应该是 do not ⑥改为 five days

　　〖润色〗

　　Nevertheless, as for most ordinary people, what they like to do and what they have to do are usually two parallels that won’t have a junction at all. These people tend to spend more time on something they long to do instead of things they need to do. It’s an understandable choice and hard to conquer it. Hence, people prefer to spend time embarking on the things they enjoy to provide relaxation for leisure hours. However, it does not means these enjoyments equal to great time-wasters. After a long period of honest hard work, people need to relax and rest for a while. If people do not have the chance to do what interests them, they might slacken efforts, which will decrease the efficiency of the tasks in which they are doing. Workers who work consistently are more likely to make errors. Thereby, people who work five days can enjoy the weekend and guarantee the efficiency.

　　〖解析〗

　　1. nevertheless, as for 然而，关于 ……　　2. provide relaxation for leisure hours 为休闲时光提供乐趣　　3. equal to great time-wasters 浪费时间的事情　　4. honest hard work 诚实的的努力　　5. need to relax and rest for a while 休息放松一下　　6. to do what interests them 做喜欢的事情　　7. slacken efforts 放松努力　　8. tasks in which they are doing 正在做的事情

本文关键字: 托福写作 托福作文 托福满分作文

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